I don't have time anymore

I'm 18 (female), but very soon I will be 19. I'm studying at a community college and live at home in a small apartment with my parents and my little brother, whom I love very much. I'm having a really hard time accepting adulthood—I can't see myself as an adult. Lately, my mental health has been getting worse. I haven't been getting out of bed at all, and I can't stop comparing myself to other people my age. I don’t feel old well I feel old but so small at the same time, but everyone paints your 20s as an all-or-nothing phase. I don’t have a driver's license yet, though I was planning to get it over the summer. None of the jobs I’ve applied for have called me back, which frustrates me. I never smoked, drank, or went to parties growing up, and I’ve felt bad about being a virgin at my age cause. I realized I never stopped hating myself. I'm worried about my future cause I can't imagine one. I've also been having panic attacks and its feel pathetic cause I have social anxiety andI don't take it as well as other people, I have no friends and to end all I have become anorexic again. I had been making progress and gaining weight, but I’ve slipped back into old habits cause I don't feel hungry. I just hate myself so much. I've been hit with that "19 fear." At 17 and 18, I was feeling happy—I managed to graduate despite missing my almost my entire 11th year because I was hospitalized (suicidal intent). But now, I just feel like a pathetic adult. I been depressed since I was 13 but being a depressed teenager didn't feel as a lonely and pathetic than now, I want to die but I don't even have the courage to do it again, and I don't want to hurt my little brother, I want to see him grow up make sure he will be better than me, but I just can't imagine a future for me.