no1 gon care but its wtv

i cant do it, ive failed. my anxiety won. i cannot keep living on like this anymore. i have recurring panic attacks everyday. its genuinely making me insane, i cry everynight wondering why i cant just be normal. but nobody will ever know this because men gotta be strong. i dont want people to hate me for feeling emotion so i bottle it up and i cant take it any longer. i know nobody will miss me when im gone and may even enjoy my presence being erased from they're life. im annoying, im loud, my voice ugly, im unfunny, im just an overall unlikeable person. im also an ungrateful little bitch who just started thinking ab people other then myself not too long ago. i love my mom, i cant believe i talked down on her just for parenting me, ive put her through so much bullshit i genuinely cant believe i did that and didn't feel bad until just now. im genuinely an overall terrible person, and this world would be better without me. i cry myself to sleep every night after distracting myself all day, i am such a fucked up person i truly fucking hate myself, i dont know anymore. ive taken this for so long. i cant hold the weight of knowing im the reason my poppop died, i cant hold the weight of knowing im the reason my childhood cat died i cant do it anymore im no better then a serial killer. dont tell me you will miss me either, im just some guy on the internet at the end of the day.