Starting to feel imminently suicidal, but I don’t want to do it. I can’t do it to my family.

I’m suffering beyond anything anyone can imagine. I have total and complete anhedonia. It’s becoming impossible to eat and sleep and I literally cannot feel pleasure.

Tonight I took a belt out of my closet and put it around my neck. I looked in the mirror and the thought of my family finding me like that and the pain is worse than anything I could actually be feeling right now.

I feel like i’m in the mental version of the top of the twin towers. The flames are so hot and the smoke thick and at some point I feel like the window is my only option.