My way to suicide

Hey there, my name is Steve and I am suicidal. I'm should currently be at my night shift (I'm from Germany, if anyone wonders about the time difference) but I drank to much (again) just to calm my nerves. I'm have these permanent panick attacks, what lead me to not be able to hold down a job (and I have a new one but they will fire me because I ain't there half the time), I'm not able to provide for my son and althpugh I have a very loving girlfirend, I see what I do to her and I just can't cope with it anymore. I'm a burden to everyone, I was in rehab, everyone helps me but it just doesn't get better. I just can't be a different person as it seems and I see no other way to end rhis constant and endless pain for me and those who love me as to kill myself. I will drink me to death in the next few weeks, so I have time to abandon familie and friends, so they have it easier to let go, and hopefully everyone can live a happy life without me. I love my son so much but I can't be a good father to him and maybe it's better without me. I'm so sorry for everything I've done but the people I love will never know, so I say it on the Internet, perhaps someone will listen. Not every disaese can be cured but mine can be by death, that's the only way I see. I'm sorry and thank you for hearing me out, now begins my journey into madness.