I think I’m being ridiculous but I can’t tell

I have been thinking about suicide a lot recently and as in so many cases it’s over a girl. She treated me terribly for a while and I get mental episodes about it where I seem to forget where I am and be scared of everything around me, especially her. She’s gone on a camp with her friends and I don’t trust her at all and she seems like she doesn’t care about what I am or what I do. I think my suicidal thoughts are ridiculous especially for something as petty as what I’m going through but I just can’t shake the want and longing for this feeling in my stomach to go. Idk how else to do it. I’m just seeing if anyone has any advice or anything. I’m sure I don’t really want to die but I hate myself for thinking it which worsens it. I’m going round in circles and she just seems to be trying to hurt me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated