I'm done

I feel like a fucking failure im failing at my one and only responsibly i have 1 thing I need to worry about and I can't even do it right im a stupid teenager risking their future right now I never thought of my future cause ever since I was really young I've only thought about death I've always been suicidal everytime someone asked me what do you wanna be in the future I was never able to reply cus I just didn't know? What do I really want to be..??? All I could think of was dead I wanted to be dead thats what I wanted and now that idea is stuck in my head I have no future because I'm gonna kill myself sooner or later I still try my hardest no matter what which is what breaks me I do not reach the expectations I want to reach and no matter how hard I try I always get worse and worse instead of better I'm fed uppp how do I get the motivation to get out of bed all I do is rot in my bed atp.