I'm russian and it's killing me, I have no future here, I want to leave the country

I can't live here anymore, I'm so tired off war and all stuff related to it. I surrounded myself with horrible people and now I'm stuck in the dead end. education system here sucks ass and the pressure at school is really high. I'm too afraid to fail my exams, I'm panicking a lot and getting anxious just from seeing all these tasks. every time I tried to study I ended up in a complete apathy or in tears. again, fuck our school system, they aren't preparing us for shit, I'm doing everything by myself. every year so many people killing themselves over those exams and pressure,why should I be different? what's the point in all these? you can graduate with red diploma and still fail to apply to uni you want to or be stuck at low pay dead end job simply because this whole system is fucked up. plus my family has a really high expectations for me because off my sister, they expect me to be like her, but the bar was set too high, it's unachievable to me at this point.they think I'm a total failure

i think my mind is slowly slipping away, I almost stopped eating, I'm fainting from time to time,I'm forgetting a lot off thigs more often,it's getting harder and harder to get out off bed. I'm vomiting even from a smell off the food sometimes.I'm getting beat up by my parents, I'm scared off them, I don't feel anything towards them, they are emotionally unstable, I don't know what to expect.

I simply don't see my future here, it's all just so blank. everyone around me are miserable, it's painful to watch, and those people telling me I have no future. the only thing that is holding me here is my plan to get the fuck away after 9th grade. I'm now studying for my FCE exam to at least try to leave the country and finish school somewhere aboard ,idk maybe America, I just want to be somewhere away.

the idea of leaving the country is just so diabolical and crazy for people, I'm straight up getting laughed at by the adults. "woaah you actually want to try to seek a better life for yourself instead of being stuck in a shithole and live in misery till the end, knowing,that there is a better life out there?"

I thought about ending my life so many times and those thought are getting harder to ignore. maybe it's not about my country or school or political issues and family, maybe I'm the one to blame? maybe it's something wrong with me? maybe I don't deserve happiness? maybe I'm actually just not doing enough? I really need help, like anything, maybe advise on schools where I can apply to, maybe life advice, maybe a tip on how to kill yourself.i have so much to say but I'm afraid that my english isn't good enough for it.

i barely know how to use reddit I'm just really desperate for someone to listen to me, I'm sorry for how maybe incoherence this post is, I just really needed to spill it out. I'm sorry