How do you deal with the loneliness?

My partner passed away almost a month ago. He was the closest person to me.

I found everything I wanted in him and didn’t feel like putting effort into building relationships with other people, unfortunately. He was my best friend, knew everything about me and we shared the same sense of humor. He was the most intelligent person, I always trusted his judgment.

I’ve never experienced this loneliness before. I am surrounded by people but I am lonely. No one to share my thoughts with.

Most of my friends were people I knew through him. Now I feel like they might blame me for his suicide. I feel isolated.

I simply don’t know how else to spend my time. We did everything together. I am on my phone all the time, just scrolling mindlessly.

Doing anything seems pointless if he’s not here. Everywhere I go I just feel out of place. I feel like I’m just floating around in space and time.

I feel lucky that I got to spend 6 years with him, and try to remember everything we discovered together. Everything I learned from him. I would like to become the person he was. I hate the fact that I have to rely on my memory. Memory is tricky. Everywhere I go and everything I do I just ask myself ‘what would he think? What would he say? What would he do?’.

How do you spend your days? Does it get better?