He didn't leave a suicide note

Did your loved one leave a suicide note? Did it help? He never did or I suppose he didn't because the army never told anyone about a suicide note. I am just so fucking confused because I know it would hurt just as much with or without a suicide note but atleast it could have fucking answered something. I know I'm being selfish but I feel so angry at him because if he was gonna fucking kill himself could he not have fucking left a note ?? Ofc i would fucking prefer it if he didn't shoot himself damn it.

It has been 567 days since he killed himself and i still miss him every godamn day.