I’m 12 days sober

I’m 12 days sober. I wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. What initiated the break was having the worst high I’d ever had 12.5 days ago. I’m gonna overshare here, but I’m 24 and live with my parents. I don’t talk to them about my usage at all. I also live in a state where it’s not legal. I don’t have almost anyone to talk to anymore in general, and those that I am close to, do not use.

So 12.5 days ago, I realized that I had multiple syringes of unopened RSO. I’m processing getting out of an abusive relationship, and I struggle with a whole laundry list of mental health disorders. I wanted to feel good. I probably was already pretty high off my vape. I then squirted out WAY TOO MUCH onto a piece of dried fruit and called it a night. I have no idea what time it was. I don’t know how long it took me to completely fall asleep, but for the next 5 hours my whole body was buzzing. I couldn’t feel my body in my bed. I was probably borderline panic attack, and really wanted my parents lol, but I don’t think anything I could’ve verbalized would’ve made any sense and I didn’t want to scare them. They also probably have zero clue as to what RSO even is. Long story long, I scared the shit out of myself and freaked the fuck out. After that I knew that I needed and wanted a break, not knowing how long I’d take, but wanted to reach at least one whole week no weed. The fucking annoying part of this is that I’m also job hunting, and want to be clean for a drug test anyway. But I’m also 24 and live with my parents and oh my god all I want to do is hit my vape and drift off into a nice lala land and forget everything for a while. Over the last 10 months since I’d tried weed for the first time, this is absolutely the longest I’ve gone without. I never know how to gauge what my personal usage is compared to others. But aside from the last 12 days, the last 4-5 months I was basically anywhere from buzzed to in outer space multiple times a day, every single day. My ex rolled joints all the time, always had a pipe and a bong sitting out, and then we started doing dabs. Like dabs that 2 minutes later have you stuck on the couch for hours. Multiple times a day. And doing dabs, hitting my vape, eating a gummy, hitting the bong all day every day. Anywho. I’m proud of myself for making it this long. I also desperately just want one hit of my vape. Now I’m just stuck with my painful thoughts and I chug cold brew and make art. I don’t know what anyone will have to say about all this, I just have never been through this before. And now I have way too many carts and RSO all unopened just calling my name.