why are my parents like this

TW: // su!cidal thoughts

i’m literally sobbing as i’m writing this idk why my parents are like this. i went to talk to hen just now about stuff that’s bothering me for a long time.

long story short, they’re the kind of parents who places high expectations on their kids. they expect me to get a 3.9-4.0 cgpa and get into nus (which is my goal rn) but they’re not even happy with my 3.8 gpa even though i’ve reassured them that’s it’s sufficient to get into the uni course i want.

they’re the type to research online and believe everything others said about gpa, believing that if you don’t get a 4.0 cgpa or if you get a singular B/B+ you won’t be able to make it to uni. this obviously puts a lot of pressure onto me and even though they’re stated that my happiness comes before my studies, their actions and words sure doesn’t feel like it.

i’ve literally gotten all As/ A+ for all my assignments this semester with only ONE B+ grade and when i broke the news to them you know what they said? instead of saying “good job” or praising me about my grades they instead choose to focus on the ONE bad grade (it’s not even bad?? wtf). they literally do this for literally all my assignments. they would also randomly remind me to work hard and not slack in the most random times when we aren’t even discussing academics.

literally yesterday at a CNY reunion dinner we were chatting about random stuff when they brought up academics and remind me yet again to not let me gpa drop and to study hard. they do this all the time too and it’s so annoying because to me, that’s like them saying i’m not good enough all the time.

all the stress and pressure they’re put on me caused me to worry about my future, because if poly is already so stressful for me what about uni? working life? i’ve developed su!cidal thoughts because i genuinely have no hope in the future. disappointing my parents are another trigger because what will they say if i cannot maintain a perfect 3.9-4.0?

20 minutes ago, i’ve talked to them about it and wanted to have a civil conversation. guess what? they gave me attitude about it. when i brought up the su!cide rates of students due to academic pressure my dad cut me off and said “ okok fine, i’ll stop caring for you then. idgaf if you don’t get into any unis, it’s up to you”. what did not help was that i was crying because im on my period (hormones and all that) and my mom literally looked at me like there was something wrong with me when i told her (she’s a woman, doesn’t she know about this?)

so right now im just in my room crying. i can’t take it anymore idk what to do