Asked a Close Friend for Space After Developing Feelings: Was It the Right Move? ( I am 20M and she is 20F)

Hey everyone,

I’m a 20-year-old male and a third-year computer science student. I became really close friends with a girl (also 20) during my first month of college. Over time, we spent a lot of time together—studying, coding, and just talking for hours. Our friendship grew really strong.

Recently, I realized I have feelings for her, and in March 2025, I decided to be honest and told her I liked her. She explained that she’s never been in a relationship and doesn’t want one, which I totally respect. I don’t feel angry at her decision—everyone has the right to choose what they want in life. If she’s happy not dating, that’s enough for me.

The issue is that I realized it was getting emotionally difficult for me to continue our close friendship while having these feelings. So, I made the decision to tell her over the phone that we should stop talking completely and even asked her to pretend like we don’t know each other in college. It’s been a tough call, especially since we used to study and work together all the time, but I feel like I need space to heal and focus on my future.

I don’t hate her, and I’m not upset with her for not wanting to date me—it’s just a matter of my own emotions. I know I need to focus on my career and personal growth now, but I’m still unsure if I handled this the right way. I did tell her that we are not enemies, and if there’s ever any problem, I’ll be there for her, just not as close friends for now.

I tried sorting things out before, but it just didn’t seem to work, which is why I’m taking this extreme step of asking for space. When I asked her for space initially, she texted me after 3-4 days, and now she’s texting me again after just 1 day 😅.

My questions:

Was telling her to pretend we don’t know each other too harsh, or was it necessary for me to move on?

How should I handle it if she tries to reach out, or if we have to interact in college?

How can I ensure I’m making the right decision for my emotional well-being while still being respectful of her feelings and choices?

Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated!