How worried should I be? (Tw: sh and delusions)
I’m a recovering self harm addict, and a couple months ago I started experiencing severe delusions when I’m alone that occasionally lead to hallucinations. Two days ago I had a bit to much caffeine and stayed up pretty late, I ended up being fully convinced that behind my door was an 8 foot tall pale grey “demon”, and I knew that if I didn’t apply a protection spell to myself then it would come in and kill me. The protection spell consisted of carving the simple in the photo above into my flesh and wiping the blood on my hands and forehead. Before this point I was 5 months clean and basically had lost all desire to self harm, so it’s very concerning to me. My boyfriend took all of my old blades so the only thing in my room was a Swiss Army knife that I used to carve into my arm, but since it’s so dull it was very shallow cuts. I’ve never felt required to do something because of a delusion and I’m worried that it could escalate. I currently am waiting for a psychological evaluation but I’m not sure how long it would take. Going to the psych ward in my city isn’t an option because they treat the people there terribly. I’m taking this seriously but I’m not sure what I should do or how serious of a development this is.
I’m a recovering self harm addict, and a couple months ago I started experiencing severe delusions when I’m alone that occasionally lead to hallucinations. Two days ago I had a bit to much caffeine and stayed up pretty late, I ended up being fully convinced that behind my door was an 8 foot tall pale grey “demon”, and I knew that if I didn’t apply a protection spell to myself then it would come in and kill me. The protection spell consisted of carving the simple in the photo above into my flesh and wiping the blood on my hands and forehead. Before this point I was 5 months clean and basically had lost all desire to self harm, so it’s very concerning to me. My boyfriend took all of my old blades so the only thing in my room was a Swiss Army knife that I used to carve into my arm, but since it’s so dull it was very shallow cuts. I’ve never felt required to do something because of a delusion and I’m worried that it could escalate. I currently am waiting for a psychological evaluation but I’m not sure how long it would take. Going to the psych ward in my city isn’t an option because they treat the people there terribly. I’m taking this seriously but I’m not sure what I should do or how serious of a development this is.