Already getting stressed out about the "mom" expectations

So i'm currently just 15 weeks pregnant with our fiesr one, and just starting to talk/plan maternity leave, SMP (which is just shockingly low), shared leave, blah blah blah. Just trying to wrap my head around what to expect a little.

I've asked a few (somewhat) recent mothers if they managed on SMP, recovery time, going back to work.....

99% of the answers I get are "it's hard but so worth it." Or "take alllll the time you can get, they grow up so fast".

Now, most of these moms are stay at home moms/unemployed, but i love my job and carreer. I earn more than my partner, so financially it would make more sense for him to take the bulk of the time. But when I say that, i dont get told off, per se, but I get the whole mom-shaming speech of how i need to be kind to myself (as if i'm not normally) and gonna miss the time with them (work from home with flexible management) and how it would be just so sad to loose all that time and wish i had it back afterwards.

Now. I will be honest, this is the first kid. I dont know what it would be like. But i do not enjoy being pregnant at all (yay, constanrly sick and exhausted but "i'l forget all about it ah ah ah ah").

I do love working. My job, my career. I'm not a housewife. I want a family and i really look forward to a lot of things, but i'm just not giddy about the pregnancy + giving birth + first X amount if months. Basically all the times that make me feel not like myself, i guess?

The only other mom that went back ASAP was like me, career focussed, and also like me, has a loooovely partner who really stepped up. My other half is SO excited about being a dad, my MIL moved up her retirement 2 months so make sure she is free for us by then. My fam lives abroad, back home, but they'll be coming over a lot.

Is it ..... weird that i like to go back to work when i can (health depending ofc)? I just feel like i'd be depriving the kid so much if i have to drop my wage so much, and we wonr have a penny to spare. Surely i can feed feed the baby propeely if we live of noodles? Does that make me a short signed person? Is it odd that i'd like to still be my own person instead of just a mom?

I just feel like me wanting a kid ánd life is... wrong, somehow? I feel like i can't honestly talk about the pregnancy since its not all happy rainbows... idk i guess i just feel... like i'm wrong all around?