dysphoric milk ejection reflex (d-mer)

i exclusively pump. i tried breast feeding the day my son was born (christmas eve), but he can’t latch bc i have inverted nipples and the nipple shields weren’t helpful to him.

the first couple weeks PP i noticed a huge spike in my anxiety compared to when i was pregnant- i had very little to no anxiety at all (which is crazy bc im autistic and without meds im typically anxious asf. pregnancy mellowed me out somehow??). originally i thought it was happening at random times for no particular reason. within the last week/week and a half-ish, i noticed it was only when i start pumping. it lasts anywhere from 2-10 minutes and its the only part of pumping i absolutely cannot stand!

google says it’s a physiological reaction as opposed to psychological which makes sense. i don’t have any anxious thoughts during my pump sessions, but my bodily reaction is ridiculous. my heart rate spikes drastically and my body starts acting like it wants to sweat like crazy and my head feels “swollen” if that makes sense. i do get a sense of dread to some degree as well.

how common is this? i know im not the only one who experiences it, im just curious how many breast feeding/pumping mamas out there deal with it too. what are some of y’all’s coping mechanisms to deal with it in the moment?

i mostly scroll thru tiktok or facebook to try and get my mind off of how my body feels but it doesn’t work too well. i can’t really get my mind off of it til let down. it’s with each boob too, not just when i start pumping but when i start pumping each one 🥲

i have no plans to stop pumping as im a great producer and really don’t like the prices of formula. baby boy is growing like he should too so i dont wanna deprive him of the nutrients i provide him naturally. i know fed is best, and if my production dropped for some reason i would transition to formula if i absolutely had to. that’s not the goal right now tho and i really just want to figure out how to cope with the temporary bodily reaction and feeling of dread!