I am not okay

I lost my sweet senior boy in January of this year with complications with CHF. I just got back from the ER with his sister/soul cat
who was fine when I got home from work and then a couple hours later had suddenly paralysis of the hind legs. The vets are keeping her overnight and running diagnostics but I am nauseous and freaking out. They think a clot dislodged and is stuck in the saddle area. I can’t understand what’s happening or why. I don’t know that I can survive a second loss so close to the first. I can’t make sense of this. I keep asking my boy to please watch over her tonight in the hospital. I’m so scared.