I imagined she might be okay as they were putting her down

She was barely moving, couldn't even lift her head to greet us when we visited her at the hospital. She perked up a little, even was able to eat some food, but her vitals began to drop and it was clear she might not survive the night. It was stupid, but as they were injecting her and we were saying our goodbyes, I imagined that there might be some last minute miracle so we wouldn't have to bear living without her. I imagined her getting up on her own, reacting to her name again, miraculously beating end-stage kidney disease. I had these stupid little thoughts on the back of my mind even as I felt her fur grow cold under my touch. After we thought she'd passed, her little heart took ten minutes to stop beating. I couldn't stop having those fantasies where she'd get up, meow a little, be healthy and young again. somehow beating euthanization, lol.

Even at home, I feel like I'll see her around any corner. The wound is too fresh. I almost called her before I realized she would not respond. This house feels so empty without her. She curled up and hid under the blanket as she was being euthanized. Did she even know we were there with her? Was she scared? How long had she been hurting? It's so surreal...