“Simula nung pinanganak ka, hindi talaga ako naging proud sayo” — My dad

This was said to me by my dad a little over 3 years ago.

For context, I’m the eldest daughter to his second wife. So there are joint properties that my parents have where my mom wants to sign it over to us; so that walang habol yung first family. During that time I was working about 3 hours away from my parents’ place so for me to get this document signed on a weekday I have to take a personal leave.

Long story short, he wouldn’t sign it. And I was asking if it’s okay for us to finish these documents today kasi sayang yung leave ko. He proceeds to say ,”Leave, leave ka diyan. Wala naman kwenta yan trabaho mo”

I got hurt, but I replied with, “I know Dad, alam ko naman hindi ka proud sakin” then he replied “Simula nung pinanganak ka, hindi talaga ako naging proud sayo”

After this Incident, I didn’t talk to him for 2 years. Last December lang ako nag-let go about what he said to me then.

Pero 3 days ago, there was a fight between him and my mom. I got triggered cause there are rumors (with not solid video and picture evidence) na may pinapaaral daw na grade 12, hindi ako sure if anak niya yon or babae niya. It’s triggering kasi we give him money, kahit nga yung sibling ko who is still studying hindi siya ang nagpapaaral. Sinolo ng Mom ko yung financial needs ng family.

Other than that this “babae” thing reminded me of my own harassment at my previous workplace almost a year ago; the person who harassed me has words he lived by which is, “pag nahuli ka ng asawa mo, kahit there’s evidence wag na wag ka aamin” when I told him na he reminded me of my harasser he asked,” ano ba ginawa sayo?” And then I said na hinalikan ako ng boss ko without consent, all he said was, “halik lang pala” I crumbled. I can’t believe I’m hearing thing from the person who was suppose to protect me.

Minsan talaga all I can do is dream of having a father who cares and protects. Oh well, all I can do naman right now is to avoid him ulit. Cause I know na hindi naman na magbabago yan. Some people are really not meant to be parents.

p.s thank you for all your kind words, yes. I’m going to cut him out again like a I did before. Last year kasi my mom begged me to forget about it kasi matanda na and all. Pero srsly, fault ko rin dahil I thought he’s a changed man.