It feels too real to be pocd

I remember before all this I loved women who were way older than me but I feel like something in me changed.. just a second ago I asked myself if im attracted to kids or not and I came to the conclusion that I wasn't just for it to be ruin by a thought and a intense feeling sensation 'down there'. Now im not sure because it feels like im actually attracted and aroused even though im not really mentally?? The worst part is that I dont feel anxiety like I used to when I struggled with pocd, its like im an emotionless brick and I wonder if this means that im a pedo. I dont know who I really am anymore I think I lost myself