Husband on parental leave making plans for himself…
So, my husband is starting his five-month parental leave, and he’s very excited about it (as am I)… but I have a feeling we have different expectations for this time.
I’m a business owner and work from home, so I couldn’t take much time off. For the past six months, I’ve been working while also taking care of the baby (and the house and food) on my own, while he was at work.
He works very hard and has spent the past few years hustling nonstop to get to where he is. I’m incredibly proud of him, grateful for his efforts, and he absolutely deserves some time off.
But here’s the issue: he’s making all sorts of plans that focus on his hobbies and personal growth, yet he rarely mentions how he plans to take care of our daughter. He assumes he’ll have plenty of time for other things because he hasn’t spent a full day alone caring for her yet. But it’s exhausting and time-consuming!
I have a few concerns that I’m hoping you can help me navigate:
- I’ll still end up being the primary caretaker, even though I’m working, while he just does his own thing.
- After being so busy for so long and building up all these plans in his head, he’ll realize it’s not doable and fall into a deep rut.
- He’ll just take the baby along to his hobbies (photography, record shopping, and playing records) in the stroller or leave her at home with minimal interaction, rather than giving her his full attention and care.
I’ve tried discussing this with him. We usually have great communication, but he doesn’t seem to fully grasp how much effort it takes to care for a baby all day or how demanding her needs are—especially since she’s exclusively breastfed and has to stay close to me. That makes me feel a bit sad and uneasy.
I’m not sure what I’m hoping to achieve with this post, but I guess I’d love to hear from other dads who had high expectations for their parental leave, then learned to adjust and let go of personal goals—without having a mental breakdown in the process.