I can’t believe how much the newborn phase sucks

Seriously, I cannot get over how much I fucking hate this, it sucks so much.

He’s 7 weeks and I’m desperate for him to grow, I honestly cannot wait for him to be 6 months old or a toddler.

I hate everything about this, I’m pretty sure he has colic (no idea what caused by) because if he’s not asleep or eating he’s fussing all fucking day long. And in the evening he screams.

He will only ever contact nap on my chest and night sleep is okay as he will go in the crib once transferred in a deep sleep but its still unpredictable and it gives me anxiety. He makes so many sounds in his sleep I can hardly sleep when he sleeps anyway. The constant breastfeeding and never knowing if he’s had enough or if he’s crying because he wants more or he’s just being a fussy fucker as usual.

The worst thing about it all is he just doesn’t seem happy at all, I joke to my partner that he has clinical depression, I just want to see my baby happy for a day. I spend all day moving him into different positions to keep him happy for a few minutes, the only one he seems to tolerate at all being on my chest or over my shoulder. My whole body is so fucked.

I feel like I want to rip my skin off and run away