First Time Sharing Gone Wrong..

So, I just recently started attending NA meetings, and last night was a really small group, so everyone had the opportunity to share.

I have never done so before - I get very anxious and nervous to speak in these settings (or in public) and even struggle to say my name. My heart just pounds.

I only shared a few sentences about the JFT topic of forgiveness. I've been very emotional at the meetings, and last night was no exception. I was teary the entire time and felt like I just word vomited all of these feelings out. Kinda felt like I blacked out, and it didn't even hit me until today that I didn't even reference my recovery process or relate it back to my use at all. I didn't talk about gratitude or feel like I had anything positive to say at all.

I feel absolutely horrible to have taken that space, and it probably was more of a share for my therapist rather than NA. I feel a lot of shame for this and my embarrassment is trying to convince me to never go back and never show my face again because I'm sure people were like, what the hell is she talking about, what does this have to do with NA or recovery, she's such a downer / crybaby. My imposter syndrome is flaring, literally over something that I know I struggle with (substance abuse), but I just did not share correctly and feel like an asshole.

Thank you for listening.