feeling morally inferior to my friends

So, I'm in a friend group with people who.. i don't know how to put it but i think they're just.. too good. They're too reasonable and handle conflict too well. i feel almost intimidated by them and threatened by them because how morally "correct" they are.

i saw the other day them complaining about people who don't communicate well, or people who are aloof and distant and it reminded me of myself. i have a loooong history of pushing people away and cutting people off when we got too close or when anything was too troublesome, because id get scared of being so vulnerable and shut people out to avoid being tied to anyone. im a very lonely person out of my own fault alone, although, i hate it admitting it.

these people are so mature and talk so.. scarily logically. i feel like i need to mask when im around them to pretend im not as fucked up as i am in the head. im always faking empathy and pretending to care about things i really don't, just so that i will be liked by them. i've noticed myself feeling like i need to avoid opening up to them, or pull away from certain conversations to save myself the chance to screw up and reveal my real feelings.

does this feel relatable to anyone else? im still going through the diagnostic process with my therapist (she's struggling to get in contact with someone who can assess me, although i Am diagnosed with BPD on top of notable NPD traits) though it feels like i can relate to everyone in this subreddit more than anyone else.