Did I marry a demon?
Being separated from my husband has allowed me to reflect on certain things he had said/done throughout our marriage which I don’t think is normal? (I currently have bad brain fog, trauma and am a few months post partum so my judgement is entirely off, please don’t be mean lol).
- He specifically married me knowing how I dress (someone who wears Islamic attire) when we got married he’d convince me to wear my hijab loosely (showing hair) and to stop wearing abayas, and that I needed to be ‘modern’.
- He’d pressure me to get my nails done when he knew I prayed and would get angry if I didnt get them done, when I refused he’d convince me to wear nail polish because he didn’t like plain nails and I’m not being feminine (my nails are/were in accordance to the deen) (nail polish invalidates wudu btw).
- He’d get annoyed when I’d wear Islamic wear (anywhere) and make fun of me for doing so, I thought men want their women to dress modest as their wife is only for their eyes? We fought about this a lot actually.
- He’d get annoyed at me for praying if he has given me something to do, for an example if it’s Asr time and he’s asked me to do something, I’d always prioritise my prayers and then immediately do whatever he has asked, he didn’t like that and would get mad that I never put him before the prayer (Astaghfirullah).
- If we are going out and prayer time has kicked in, I’d prioritise my prayers so I don’t miss them — again annoyed/rage at me, would expect me to miss prayers.
- If I was praying and he called my name and I haven’t answered him, another reason to rage at me for not answering, as if I’m supposed to interrupt my prayer for him? So many times I explained if I don’t reply it’s bcs of prayer but he’d purposely fight with me over it.
- Any time as a wife if I reminded him of salah time, he’d brush off my reminder and again be annoyed.
- He wouldn’t allow me to visit the mosque.
- I really wanted to attend Islamic lectures/classes at the mosque, he wouldn’t ever let me go, throughout the years that I was married to him I never went once bcos “I’m a married woman who needs to prioritise her home.”
- I had some friends I made (online, before marriage) and bonded with, he made me stop speaking to them and would call them Islamic sl*ts - Astaghfirullah.
- Any time I’d suggest him to do ruqya he’d refuse and rage, blaming me stating I need it instead.
- His anger/rage was scary, and any time I’d ask him to seek refuge from shaitan he’d become worse.
- He knew I was trying to cut down with makeup (for tabarruj reasons) and was confident with my natural self, he kept pressuring me to do a full face of ‘baddie’ makeup and that I’m too plain.
- He knew I didn’t listen to music and would purposely play his playlist distracting me, when I’d ask him to please turn it off he’d rage at me again.
- He’d question me all the time on why I’m praying for so long and what I’m making dua for and it apparently doesn’t take a ‘normal’ person that long.
- When he was planning on buying a house I advised him not to because of Riba, to again he raged.
- Forced me to become pregnant bcos if I refuse I’m an evil wife who has neglected his rights.
- Would neglect all of my Islamic rights but demand his, and if I refused (reasonable reason) he’d rage and bully me.
- Lied to me about everything before marriage and pretended to be somebody he is not.
To be honest this isn’t even half of it. Is this even normal? Men is this normal bcs he has convinced me it is? I feel like I married my enemy, someone who wants me further away from everyone and especially God. When he knew he couldn’t change certain things about me, he tried in other ways. He knew about my hardships before marriage and knew faith was the only thing that kept me going - it’s as though he tried to strip that away from me and lead me back in the path of darkness, just like the shaitan tries to lead us astray. It’s as if I’m married to a demon who’s trying to lead me to the hell fire.
For context, this wasn’t an arranged marriage - he knew who I was way before marriage and said he liked these things about me, after marriage he completely switched up and turned into a raging monster.
I just need some validation, as some people are telling me not to divorce for the sake of my baby and that the grass isn’t greener, men are apparently like this?