I'm so done.

السلام عليكم

First of all, Ramadan Mubarak, everyone. I hope everyone's doing well this Ramadan.

This is, like, my sixth mental heath post here and, honestly, I'm not quite sure why I even bother anymore.

I've been trying to get back up on my feet, honest to God. I've been going to a therapist, been trying to do some external activities, the whole thing. Nothing's worked so far. I feel tired, alone, isolated.

Recently, I've begun self-harm, which I've told a few of my very close friends. That did absolutely nothing. One of them just freaks out and gets super worried whenever he sees me, and it makes me horrible as a result.

Then, there's the romanticisation of anorexia. I've been anorexic before Ramadan, eating, maybe once a day, a meal so light that my daily intake would be over a thousand calories less than maintenance.

I'm bleeding, right now, literally and figuratively. I know this Ramadan's gonna pass by without me doing anything, and I just can't do it. I can't forgive myself. I hate everything about me, and I'm really not sure why Allah keeps me alive.

I'm too tired to pick myself up again. I don't want to do anything. There's this mental block that makes me want to shrivel up and die and, frankly, I wouldn't mind that anymore. I deserve whatever punishment comes my way.

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this - maybe to get my thoughts out to a group of like-minded people - but it doesn't matter anyhow.

Don't bother trying to help: I'm a lost cause. Oh, and don't bother reaching out to suicide hotlines. There's no service for that here.

Anyway, thank you for your time. Ramadan Mubarak, again, and take care.

السلام عليكم