i feel gross for liking women

im a trans girl, at least it seems so far. i dont know what i "am" but i definitely like women. even before i realized im probably trans i felt at least somewhat gross for feeling attraction and i think its messed me up a bit. out of fear of being a creep i conditioned almost any thought of desire out of myself. i havent once felt sexual desire for another person, if i remember right. strangely enough i dont think im asexual, i just have a weird fear of liking someone. even my romantic feelings are stunted and rare. it might be a result of being "born different" or something like that.

either way, i occasionally find myself thinking "wow, that girls pretty" and chide myself for it even though 99% of the time its a completely platonic thought, more appreciative of beauty than actually wanting for it. I'm not sure how to get better about these thoughts, as im constantly in fear of being a weirdo even though, from a logical standpoint, i have never felt and sort of attraction that is "weird".