Attempted to kill myself tonight

After contemplating it for hours I popped the pills I've been planing to overdose on in my mouth. I was really close to swallowing, I desperately wanted to. But I couldn't, don't know why but at the last second I spit them out. I wish I had, I wish I wasn't here anymore. Unfortunately I'm still alive in this life, in this body. This existence has been nothing but pain and torment from day one, I wish I didn't have to suffer any longer. I would do anything to not be me.