I was a vessel for something to be communicated and what I said left me speechless

I'm going to preface this by saying during this period of my life I was experiencing the world in a different light, everything was brighter or more important, and everything was spiritual on a deep level. I've only shared this with 3 people and would really really appreciate any insight or thoughts anyone may have, it's kindv a long read but I'd appreciate it more than words can say.. It starts far before this but I'm shortening the story for user readability sake.. I was doing a workshop with a Guru and his student, his student was the person guiding us and teaching us how to express. I had a very big experience and connection with him through a guided activity and after that the whole atmosphere changed for me it was like a magical veil was cast upon me and I was filled with an overwhelming presence, for the rest of the day I felt that way. He then guided an exercise on expression and how we want to communicate, he explained that he connects to an energy that allows him to find the words to say and they just sort of come to him (Ekhart Tolle talks about this too the author of "the power of now") he said he connects to this and becomes like a vessel for information, messages, or anything else to come out. Fast forward a week after the workshop was over and I'm absolutely falling apart (experienced my mother's death without her actually dying as a spiritual experience and totally rejected spirituality after that) it actually felt like I was trying to supress my own conciousness and my divine connection to the spiritual because I felt absolutely betrayed by the fact that whatever was showing me things would show me mom dying. So I was completely derailing (it felt like I was losing my mind) actually going crazy I started doing things I didn't fully understand (like eating A LOT) after fasting for long periods of time and the eating made me feel physically and mentally drunk. Completely and totally drunk. I continued my days feeling extremely strange (It would take too long to explain every detail) but basically I started having this unbelievable urge to walk, and since feeling my mother's death it would make me feel physically drained and weak to be around her (literally no better way of describing it) so I decided I was going to run away from home (or rather walk) so I did I walked all day still feeling like I was dying in some way the whole time (resisiting and not resisting the want for food and water, and feeling incredibly weak after eating) this continues with me coming across a very scary man with a big knife coming at me (right after I ate a lot of food, idk why but to this day I still feel it's correlated) I got away from this man luckily and ended up feeling to scared to stay overnight so I hitched a ride back into my home town. I guess the man that gave me a ride felt there was something very wrong because he talked to people once he brought me back (I live in a very small town) and my parents ended up finding out I was just walking in the middle of a neighbouring city, this lead to a big time intervention they found me and brought me home and gave me big hugs and told me it was time to talk and tell them everything that was going on with me (something important to note is during the past few months when I had been having all these spiritual experiences I had a very strong urge not to talk to people about said experiences) so even when they sat me down and told me we need to get some answers I was absolutely not planning on telling them anything but I also had no idea what I was going to say.. This lead to me experiencing a feeling of intense concentration and not wanting to move at all/feeling it harder to concentrate when I moved and then words just coming to me The words I said next shocked me more than anyone else I told my parents I had been raped "By three men" I added (the words I said were just coming to me like pictures infront of my mind) but when I said that it shocked me I put my hand to my open mouth in shock. I didn't say anything else after that and that's the end of my experience.. but to this day I still feel guilty that my parents and other people think I was raped (I've tried telling my mom but she thinks I'm in denial of being raped and doesn't fully believe me, even tho she's a spiritual person) I feel alone sometimes like no one's ever rlly going to understand all that I went through but hopefully this helped. Love ziz💙