I'm 22 and i've given up on life

Life feels pointless to me, everyones say's its fast but it feels like its been dragging on for too long, it feels like everyone around me is living to work until they die, i have no wealthy family, noone owns their own company, everyone works for someone who doesn't respect them. The only job i've ever liked didn't pay enough to survive, the same week i quit that job I got into a disagreement with my roomate and became homeless, planned on living in my car until i got back onto my feet then the transmission gave out and the repair quote was too much for me, i had to sell it. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when i was 16 after a suicide attempt and i threw out my medication while i was having an episode, since then i haven't taken my medication, im 22 now with no insurance looking up the most painless ways to commit suicide because I don't have the energy to figure out how to get medicated again and i'm not sure it would even help. My life isn't a sob story, my parents loved me and did what they could, I don't have a hard time getting employed, i have a hard time staying employed. i'm overcome by lazyness, i can't for the life of me be productive or do anything of worth. even when i did work, i spent all my money because i didn't care for it, i never saved my money up and bought anything to show for it, my most valuable asset was my car and even that i don't have anymore. i can't take accountability, i'm stuck in a victim mindset, It's hard seeing everyone around me be more successful than me, I don't feel envy, i feel like a disgrace. My suicide would bring me more honor than the way im living right now.