i might be cooked

if i acc die, who would even care? all i done is mess up and disappoint. my life might acc be over right now. last year i was in a friend group for 5 girls and im the prettiest. i got a lot of attention from boys and those girls are ugly so they got no guys. ive always craved a bf since i got close to having one 2 years ago but he ghosetd me and ive wanted revenge. i had many crushes to fill that void and i spoke boys a lot to my friends coz its what girls do but thy hated it, since they couldnt relate coz their not as pretty as me. my other friends told me they were gossiping about me, saying im boy obessed and boys girl, a pick me, toxic etc. it really hurt me and i lost it. i stopped talking to them coz i was overwhelmed by it all. they blew up in the group chat, all targeting me one by one. they asked me if were still friends after distancing myself so i lied and came up w a reason that i had brain cancer. it was perfect. i was wayy to hurt to even look at them in the eye, knowing they hated me. i hated me too. i lied for pity. i was desperate for love and tender care. i thought they would all sincerly apologize for breaking me but no. all i got was soppy half-hearted sorrys. they didnt care enough. i stopped talking to them because it hurt too much and no one around me understood. i cried everyday hating myself. i was coping okay just avoiding it all. i thought my lie was foolproof until my sister told my mom. i knew no one would get it but i didnt care. i kept updating my lie to make perfect story and it was genius. i said i had brain cancer, 2 months left to live, surgeries, etc. but its all crumbling down now. my mom foudn out about it all today. one of the girls' moms asked her hows your daughter w cancer. im such an idiot fucking stupid. she screamed at me, i screamed back. my dad and sister are gone, in another province doing their own things. she took my phone, read the messges and sent then to her phone. ive never cried this much in my life before. its over. she kept shouted why are you lieing, embarrasment, evil, humiliatin me, etc. liek no shit. hello? now, she took my phone, probably is tellin my dad and i feel so guilty. my whole grade alr knows i "have cancer". i guess i thought that people would say 'im so so sorry' and care for me but no. nobody cares at all, litrally no one. if everyone finds out i lied, im gonna kill myself. im so ashamed. ive been crying for 2 hours, i was supposed to go to school for extra accounting lessons, but my mom drove there and parked outside coz we were early and i tried getting my phone back from her told deleted to messeges but she hit me in the backseat while shouting and i was in so much pain. im acc fucked. i literall have no one. all my leftover friends have their own partners and friends.ive never been good enough. thats why all the guys ive ever liked chose another girl over me. i give up now. i dont even know why i did this. im just broken on the inside right now. i just need a hug. even if i run away, where would i go?i really hate this. ive ruined everything.