Beating myself up.

First year female attorney here. Have a great mentor, am leaning the ropes, enjoying it so far, and handling a hefty caseload (I’m in ID so no surprise there).

Today I let my emotions get the better of me. I’ve had a case with a semi-difficult opposing counsel since last October. He knows I’m young and female and I think he tries to capitalize on that. Stall tactics, demands for immediate responses, condescending tone, you get what I mean. He went so far as to say at a deposition on this case that he was surprised I knew as much about sports as I did.

Today we got into an email exchange which turned into a disagreement about deadlines which both of our clients mutually agreed to. This agreement was in writing, but I was never given a copy after his client signed, so I could not confirm all elements were met as agreed-upon.

After trying to point out his dates were incorrect, and I didn’t have a copy of the agreement, he proceeded to tell me that I was wrong and it would be on me to explain to my clients the ramifications/penalties if they don’t meet this deadline.

Instead of staying calm, I shot back with a sassy, less than professional, and heat of the moment, (but not unethical or rule violating) email response. I’ll admit it wasn’t my best moment, and somewhat out of character for me. OC got offended, he seemed to think I was accusing him of delay tactics. Shortly thereafter my boss (who was cc’d) called me to say that I should not have gone so 0-100 and this, and while it was not an earth shattering mistake, it could create difficulties for working amicably with OC in the future to resolve this case.

I know mistakes happen, and my boss, as my boss and mentor, is supposed to provide constructive criticism and help me to be a better attorney. However, I cannot stop beating myself up and feeling like a giant failure for letting OC get the better of me and not taking a moment to cool down before sending that email.

I guess I’m just looking for some support, others who have had similar situations, and a reminder that this isn’t the end of the world.

TL:DR: first year attorney sent heat of the moment email to OC and is feeling like a giant screw up/disappointment.