Is it possible to remember a traumatic event that happened while tripping? **Trigger Warning**

trigger warning r@pe mentioned but no details

I’m so sorry if this is not the right place to ask this. If it’s not, could you please direct me where to post it?

Roughly five years ago when I was 18 I was convinced to try lsd with my boyfriend (now ex). Honestly, I have very very little memory of that entire weekend.

I do not know the dosage. All I know is a split a (gel??) tab with his friend and he had a whole tab. He put his tab in my mouth at some point intending to take it right back because he was just taking a drink of something or a bite of something. I’m not quite sure, but I know he was supposed to take it right back but he never did and it fully dissolved in my mouth.

The rest of that entire weekend after that is just little bits and pieces that don’t make any sense. I can detail them if that context is needed. One thing I specifically remember is feeling stuck in a loop. Doing the same couple of things over and over and just restarting and restarting. But I remember being told that it happens sometimes and that it meant I would die if it did.

The next thing I kind of remember is my ex screaming at his friend. We left and he drove us back home. When we got home and my ex began to change my clothes I realized my pants were covered in blood on the inside.

I have no memory of what happened to cause that. My ex has told me a couple different versions of events that happened that night. Including r@pe by one person, r@pe by multiple people, and accusations of it being consensual. Claims he doesn’t really remember and it’s been coming back in bits and pieces over the years.

Why is it not coming back to me? Is it possible for me to get those memories back?

ETA- idk if this is important, but if it is I got diagnosed with GAD and PTSD years before this incident happened.