Meeting with a girl in Indonesia, and failing hard
Hello, I will attempt to do a concise but exhaustive narration of what happened to me in that regard, and hope that it serves as a reminder for other young and naive people, to not reproduce these common tropes.
I am a frenchman, half-blooded with moroccan roots. Short in size but valiant and proud enough to perceive myself as an honest potential husband. I've got a decent intelligence and sensibility for women, but never attempted so badly before, to engage for life with somebody.
I met online this wonderful girl, who came first chatting to me. She was from Indonesia, and very rarely I had seen a face so cute, and a behavior so wholesome through our mutual affection. Under the influence of my speech, and of her rare beauty, we rapidly fell in love and crossed many boundaries in this virtual relationship. Despite being lucid enough to have the awareness that we took a gamble, we still enjoyed this long lasting period of cheesiness and unbridled affection.
We however had an immense misfortune, because four months after our first chat, I was already committed to come to see her and invite her romantically to hang out. But the covid international context drove us mad and shocked us for two years. This flu delayed our first meeting by a full year and a half, over an incredible succession of unlucky border restrictions, and impossible schedules to meet each other.
Yet our love was very genuine and strong, and despite this little psychological torture, and the extensive risk we took by investing so much in this bond, we managed to wait until December 2021, when finaly I had a slight window of opportunity to come.
What happened next is a bit difficult to put into words. But if I had to summarize it the best I could, here is how it would unravel :
I spent thousands of euros to organize this trip. It was a nightmare to figure out. Having to become a fictional consultant for an audiovisual media start-up, in order to get my business Visa. Having the border restrictions and quarantine rules changing every day independently in BOTH our countries. A simple weekly speech of the french minister of health could literally plummet our whole project to meet in a few minutes of covid hysteria. A few days before I left, every decrees of french or indonesian officials was the object of all my attention, as it could compromise everything we hoped for. The randomness of PCR test could also delay my trip critically or get me stranded over there. And while I was in Indonesia, the length of quarantine changed three times in the course of a few days.
And most importantly, as an army member, I wasn't allowed to go so far over there, and I took the risk of failing my mission to return in time in France, and having to require the help of diplomatic services if I was stuck over there. Which, basically, would have meant the end of my career.
But I was in love, and all of this I was ready to accept, in order to unite with my future wife. I compromised my duty for my job, for my moral duty towards a woman in pain from having waited so long for me. And I was about to let her be relieved from our inconsolable distance. At this point, our bond was so fusional and charming, that I didn't have a doubt we would go far together.
I brought gifts for her parents and brother, with the intent to meet them during the very narrow dozen of days I would have there with her. As she is asian, this very formal meeting with the family was absolutely mandatory and decisive. I also naturally brought gifts for her, chocolate like all girls love, a golden necklace to replace a previous gold wrist chain she tragically lost, some skin care brands from Paris as she was fond of these, and it was also her field of work. And I thought I was quite set and ready to go.
The meeting :
We decided to meet as soon as I arrived in her town, going in front of my hotel to have a first casual contact. I was exhausted from the trip and the stress of this complex journey, and my job's concerns too, but I thought it would go right nonetheless.
I suddenly saw her nearby my room while I was waiting outside in the streets. And we engaged the first contact.
It was dreadful. Something made us uncomfortable and her voice was subtly cracking. She was holding something back in her heart, and naturally this behavior didn't help me to shine or be something else than embarrassed while chatting with her. She wasn't happy, and neither was I.
Obviously something was wrong. This first evening was decisive, and I would learn it just the second day. She didn't want anymore to be with a westerner, she didn't imagine I would be so short for an european, even though one year and a half of daily pictures and video calls was supposed to have cleared much doubts. Of course needless to say, after that, I didn't come even close to meeting her parents.
And consequently she didn't find me charismatic enough to unveil attraction for me in her heart. It's true our expectation was extremely high at first, and we had the intent to do our meetings as lovers.
But the reality test failed. And she was in despair, she cried the second evening. I never cried, but felt terrible for a few months onwards.
Our meeting was failed. And although we had a good week still, so intimate at times, that I thought she changed her mind with my gestures, hugs and affection. When it was time to go home, and we had to split on the train station, before I continued further to catch my plane. She broke up, and said in an extremely convinced manner, that my proposal to see each others again was rejected. I proposed to try to seek deeper in each others later. That I would try come back again, with a more favorable context and more time than what we had. She was in my mind still very pretty and noble, and she displayed pity during the week, that I misunderstood for kindness. Now that covid restrictions started to ease, I had hopes to see her more often, and in a more relaxed setting, but she wouldn't give in anymore.
She just didn't let a chance for it. she had given up and moved on.
Our bond used to be so pleasant that I of course, spent the next month back in France, trying to convince her, that her judgement was hasty, and this relationship too precious to be wasted like that. She would maybe learn one day, how much she will regret it. But it was vain, and I had to move on too to seek an other girl. This time, making sure the real life contact was established before virtual feelings would ensue.
Nonetheless I felt terrible for this experience, because I wasn't such a simp or a naive man. I knew the risk and assumed it. She was tricked by her own feelings, and she made me believe I was loved, whereas she never really knew why she loved me.
That was a picture of us :
The only things I ever got and kept from her, is this tissue when in our last train ride before departure, i cleaned a bit of lipstick on the edge of her lips (Edit : Need to clarify after your commentaries, because, yes it sounds quite creepy to keep a such thing for an excessively long time. It just happened oddly to remain unnoticed in my bag for a bunch of time. I don't really care for it, I just thought it was ironical and ridiculous, that it was actually all I kept from this woman). And a random candy she gave to me for some reasons I forgot :
It was a long text. But I hope this story is pathetic enough, to convince all young men to be wary or their feelings. Virtual bond is dangerous, girls don't always know what they want. Men aren't deprived of flaws either, but that's a danger we must all be wary of.
tl;dr : Remember I thought she was perfect, and that it was the best relationship one could ever conceive. Until in one evening, it was all dead. Because I was too short, and not suitable for her pretention.