(19F) Should i risk it all?

Okay so i am in a really bad position fucked jee mains 1 and also i don't have 75 percent last year so currently i am giving improvement exams but i really don't want to i don't think that i'll do any good in mains 2 also so should i leave improvement exams because it will kill my 1 month and i am not prepared for it also and forget about JEE and risk it all on ugee and comedk and other exams and study my ass off for these exams ? I don't have any other choice my 11th class syllabus is completed almost just need practice but my half syllabus of class 12 is left

i really don't know what to do i cry everyday i write sucide notes everyday then tear them up because I don't have the courage my parents supports me but they are also losing trust on me i don't want to do anything anymore i am very much frustrated i just want a college and get out of this phase please somebody help me