31M 30F - Now marriage is only about staying in same flat

Hello All, 31M, 30F, love marriage and been together for 13 years now. We have 2 kids

Everything was going good till last year and now everything is changed.

My mother is little strict, less educated and wants to gets things done at her will. Didn't like my love marriage.

My wife on the other hand is also short tempered but always stayed calm when it comes to home. She stayed calm because of me and beared all the disrespect or bad behaviour towards her but she used to fight with me for all things happened with her and we used to discuss and sort.

I always gave 2 options to my wife. Either you ignore thier behavior as there is no point fighting with them as they are not going to change or you cut all the relationship, stay away and leave a peaceful life. But as a Son I need to fulfill my duties towards my mother.

This was the only concern in our life and rest everything was going good.

Now last year my wife started job and earning money. As a husband I always supported and encouraged her for the job and helped her with resume, interview, openings etc and Happy that he is working.

But there is a change in her now. She is getting panic every now and then, always scolding me for any small thing, getting angry and loud ok kids as well. The reason for fights are anything that she did not like. Earlier as I told she used stay calm and deal things differently but now it's full aggression.

Before her job I never helped at home except some outside work like Grossary and stuff but now I am dedicating time for kids to feed him, bath, nappy, making them sleep, dropping to school. She does not want to hire maid.

I don't want to talk about home condition. She is unable to manage her time, job, home and I am supporting her in every way possible but still she changed the way she used to talk with me.

There may be some of my fault so for last 3 month each and every word I am saying, I am thinking 3 times before uttering anything.

Last week I was not feeling well, couldn't talk because of throat infection but she still wanted to fight with me because one of my 80M relatives told her that she is gaining weight, and I am lossing.

I told her my relatives are uneducated, don't pay attention but still she made me discuss this for 2 hours..

All of sudden, out of nowhere something clicks in her head and she comes to sort the same.

Every fight had repetitive old mistakes even after clarifying.

In our last fight she talked about seperation because I told her that because of her regular fights, I am getting stressed and unable to focus on work. I understand she might have told this during the heat of the moment and I am not taking it seriously.

I am not saying my wife is right or wrong or I am not saying I am right here.

I am unable to understand whats happening here.

Edit 1- I am not simply saying ignore things. I had numerous fights and stood for her but every time I saw it was getting more complicated. They always try to destroy her image and all I want is she living a peaceful life.

After years of fights, arguments, and discussions I decided not to go to their level as they want to create issues and I don't want to be part of this trap.

So we are not staying with the relatives, and visit once in a while that's where I told them to avoid such people.

Also, relatives are just one issue. Current fights are for any basic reason which does not have any head or tail. So I am worried and trying to understand what is triggering her ?

NOTE - WE STAY SEPERATELY WITH KIDS AND RELATIVES ARE 400 KM AWAY. NO DAILY CALLS OR DISCUSSIONS

Edit 2 - Thanks for a few individuals who understood the real pain here and not just focused on the issue between mother and wife. Even my wife knows how I changed her life and stood for her in every situation be it her studies, be it her pregnancy, be it her career. I was always with her.

The current challenge is what we see after she started the job and I was trying to understand how we can solve our daily fights or misunderstanding that we have

But most of the individuals calling me bad and what not. I will work on the real advice that I received on the current issue. Thanks 👍