I can’t take this anymore

I started smoking weed in high school. I’m gay and was constantly bullied at a Catholic school in Louisiana. Weed became my escape, and honestly, I think it saved my life by making things feel okay—or at least numb. I’ve been really successful since then. I recently got a promotion, finished my MBA with honors, got married, and bought a house. But even though I’ve smoked all day, every day, once my responsibilities are done, I turn into a potato. My husband feels like we’re not connecting, and I’m really working on being more present. I’ve tried quitting and cutting back before, but it never lasts more than a few days before I’m back to smoking all day. I’m on day 10 of quitting, and I’ve never felt worse in my life. I broke down today and can’t stop crying. My body hurts, I can’t focus, I have a constant headache, I’m so nauseous, every time I eat I throw up, I can’t sleep, I’m so angry I feel like I could wreck my car into the person in front of me if they slow down for a speed bump, and I’m snapping at everyone around me. I just broke down today. I don’t want to smoke anymore because I never want to go through this again, but I feel so defeated. I had therapy this morning and I just can’t stop crying. Please help me. Have you been through this? When will it go away? I can’t look at statistics anymore, I can’t meditate anymore, I just want to go into a medically induced coma until it’s over. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE TALK ABOUT THIS IN REAL LIFE?!?