I’m so over this

18f here with stage 3 HS. I’ve had this for as long as I can remember, but it never had gotten this bad since I got off accutane in October of 2024 for my back, along with stopping the steroid injections for my keloids.

My armpits are badly affected with open wounds and they constantly leak and smell. I can literally smell myself when I’m at school and it makes me wonder if others can too, even though I shower all the time. I haven’t worn deodorant since forever and I can barely lift my arms due to the gauze I put under there. I also can’t find any bandages long and wide enough to cover them, let alone catch the leakage from it too.

Wish I could use hidrawear, but haven’t met the deductible. I’ve just now started to go to the dermatologist, because I was embarrassed, and have been given antibiotics + cream to treat it, nothings working. Now, I’m going to be on biological injections as well to try and stabilize the HS, but I honestly have no hope that it’ll work. I know I’m very overweight and should probably stop eating and start working out, but I have no motivation to do so. It hurts so bad just to move my arms, shift in my bed, or reach for most things. My shirts and hoodies are constantly getting ruined and it’s seriously impacted my life.

I have no idea what to do and if I can even go on like this. I feel terrible for myself since I can’t stick to a diet, I can barely move, I feel unlovable. Since this will never go away, I guess I just have to figure out how to live with this forever.

Edit: Wow I didn’t know so many people felt the same as me. Hoping for the best for all of you ❤️