why even bother?

I know I will never enjoy sex again because I’ll always have this fear of transmission and outbreaks. I know that I don’t get to date in my 20s the way everyone else gets to. I know that I’ll never feel comfortable risking my hypothetical baby’s life with this. I can never have the things I want from life or live the way I want to. why would I possibly stay alive? there won’t be a cure in my lifetime and I don’t want to take daily toxic pills. this will never be a life I am okay with. why would I even live it?