Any toy suggestions for a beginner?

So I was just commenting on the previous post on this page. Got some feedback from other commenters.

Essentially, I'm 18 (F), just moved out of my parents house a few months ago. Sexual Health and wellness was never something that was really talked about in my house. Whether that be hygiene or sex and orgasms. Very taboo topic. I'm doing some research on my own but would like feedback from actual women and afab's rather than scientific articles.

That being said, I don't know if I've ever orgasmed. And I've never had sex. Research I've done says that doctors and scientists claim that some women just don't have mind blowing orgasms. But most women that I've heard from both online and in person have said something along the lines of "trust me, if you had an orgasm, you would know. They're strong and you can't miss them." I desperately crave that mind blowing, out of body experience that everybody talks about. But it feels kind of hopeless sometimes... Kind of feel like I'm missing something as a feminine person 😅

Overtime, I've made adjustments to my mindset so that I'm not pressuring myself into feeling like I have to find an orgasm. Which has helped me relax a lot while masturbating but it still hasn't done much. Sometimes I feel pleasure from it and other times it's kind of just nothing. I definitely know that it's a mind and body thing. Like both my mind and my body have to be in the right space.

I do feel physical symptoms. I get wet, my nipples get hard and sensitive. I get really hot and sweaty and my breathing is erratic. But I also kinda get headaches?? And on occasion, I'll feel like a tingling sensation when stimulating my clit? It feels good, but it's not very strong. And it only lasts for maybe a few seconds. And that's just plain stimulation, not necessarily feeling like I'm getting close. I don't even know what it would feel like to "get close".

I don't feel contractions in my vagina. The rest of my body gets really tense and shaky, but it's almost painful and crampy. And when it gets to that point I kind of have to stop because it just hurts the rest of my body too much. I desperately crave to know how to have the kind of release that people talk about and that would be helpful. So far in my life I've only ever really been able to experiment with my hands and the occasional shower head... 😅

Which brings me to my reason for posting. I'm wondering if anybody has advice in general but also suggestions for toys regarding beginners? I know that everybody's body is different and no one's experience is going to be linear or the same. But I would really love to feel and orgasm. It just sounds so incredible and relieving from what I've heard. I'm kind of stuck in the middle because the scientific and medical articles I've read just say that some women just don't have strong orgasms. But almost every real life woman I've talked to in person or online has said that I would know if I'd had one.

Any advice, whether it's about toy suggestions or other things would be much appreciated! And if you do have a specific toy in mind, I would appreciate it if you could link it in your comment!