Diagnosed with herpes and I want to die

I was diagnosed with most likely genital HSV1 (and also a yeast infection) yesterday and it is making me suicidal. I am absolutely spiraling.

The pain is 10/10 unbearable. I am in tears constantly. Peeing is absolutely excruciating and I haven’t even gone #2 yet and I am terrified of what that will feel like. I have tried to open myself up to place a warm washcloth there to try and clean myself and it is unbearable. I am so swollen and feel unable to even keep myself clean. I can’t even open my legs. I tried to take a sitz bath in a bit of epsom salt and I was dry heaving from the pain afterwards.

I’m only 21 and I feel like my life is over. I have college responsibilities that I need to attend to and I feel like I can’t even make it to class or other things I need to graduate.

I don’t have a regular doctor. I was diagnosed at urgent care and given the antiviral medication for 7 days. What happens when it runs out? This won’t be cleared up in a week. I saw that online you can get it delivered but will the dosage be high enough? I’m so confused about everything.

If anyone has any tips for pain relief I need them. Tylenol doesn’t seem to be working. I want to keep myself clean but for anything to touch down there is the worst pain. My eyes go black when I pee it is so painful.

I have no one to help me. I can’t tell my parents. My boyfriend is unsupportive. I have no doctor. My life feels ruined. I’ve read that stress is a trigger for outbreaks and I have an anxiety disorder and am stressed all the time. I read that shaving and sex can be triggers too and all of the negative information is making me spiral. My boyfriend is pulling away from me and I’m going to be single and in severe pain and will never have sex again for the rest of my life. I’m alone in my apartment fighting suicidal thoughts right now absolutely dreading the next time I need to pee. I need help and just want to die.