It doesn't even call itself a warrior
Zyrrak watched as the shuttle touched down on the landing pad. As a Xenopsychologist he had been tasked with studying the footage of a colony from some new primitive species that had been discovered. Though primitive was relative, these creatures had achieved spaceflight and even some basic form of FTL but compared to the Qrixol Empire primitive was still an apt description. The chance to study a new species was rare, and to have one’s name attached to a new slave species even more so as most species weren’t even worthy of that honour.
On his recommendation, the Qrixol Empire had gone ahead with the invasion of this colony, though having reviewed the footage of the attack, Zyrrak was surprised at the ferocity of these creatures in the face of the all encompassing Qrixol Superiority. The honoured Qrixol warriors had only managed to take a single prisoner, all the other creatures had died before the warriors could subdue them. The shuttle opened and several warriors stepped out, escorting the single creature they had managed to capture.
Zyrrak watched closely as the cage was transported past him and into the facility behind him when, for just a moment, the creature looked directly into Zyrrak’s eyes. The intensity of the gaze caught him off guard, this one could take some time to break, he thought to himself. For now, all he could do was wait as his subordinates finished the translator with the footage of the colony.
James squinted as the doors opened, he hadn’t seen much light in the cargo bay in which he had been held for the past few... days? He wasn’t sure how long as he had no real way of keeping track of time... He recalled a number of studies he had read and heard of, no way any human would be able to keep track of time when deprived of so many stimuli.
As he was being brought to a facility, he noticed another of the aliens that had captured him, though this one was more ornately dressed, didn’t seem like a soldier compared to the ones that he faced during the attack. James studied this one closer as he was transported past it, he had a feeling he would be seeing it more often, why else would it be here to see his arrival?
James was brought deep into the facility when suddenly his cage was opened. One of the guards grabbed him and threw him into a room, some sort of holographic barrier blocking the entrance the moment he was thrown in. James got up from the ground but stopped, gravity wasn’t like this a moment ago. He moved around a bit and realized it was just like home, did each cell have its own gravity system? Why would these guys go through the trouble of those kinds of comforts when they were so willing to kill noncombatants? James suddenly remembered how hard those alien bastards seemed to be trying to subdue every human they could, though for as far as he knew, he was the only one they had managed to capture. He seemed to remember an explosion knocking him out for some unknown duration before he recovered, only for his survival to immediately be noticed at which point those things quickly subdued him before he could start fighting back...
James looked around his cell, he wasn’t about to try his luck with that laser-looking barrier that closed behind him, not when he’d seen what he was pretty sure were laser weapons killing his friends... While it wasn’t much compared to his chambers back home, it was better than he had expected... a bed, toilet, and a table with one chair... he couldn’t help but wonder once again, why go through all this trouble to capture him and then give him these comforts? Then it struck him... they needed him, not just alive, but potentially cooperative... If they needed a live human, they must have the intent to study him. His mind flashed back to the bodies of his friends... James had no intention of giving these things what they wanted. As he pondered on how to navigate this situation, he recalled something that had been repeated several times back when he was still studying: “Garbage in, Garbage Out”.
A few cycles had passed, and the translator was finally ready. Normally, Zyrrak would have been furious over the delay, but he was too excited. He approached the cell, the creature was laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Zyrrak spoke to the creature as the translation tech immediately kicked in, translating his elegant words into this creature’s pitiful language.
“What is your species capable of?”
The moment he spoke, the creature looked over before sitting up and looking directly at him. Good, so it knew it was being addressed, though those eyes were still far too intense for his liking. The creature looked at Zyrrak for a few moments before its facial features contorted into a strange look. Then it spoke.
“Sorry ERROR, LANGUAGE NOT RECOGNIZED”
What? How was that even possible, the translator recognized the first word then immediately failed... Zyrrak pondered this for a few moments. This must mean they were close but not there yet, Zyrrak thought to himself furiously. He could not allow his subordinates to fail him like that, they would all need to be replaced for this incompetence.
James started to get a feel for time again, the rotation of the guards at least gave him some point of reference when suddenly he heard a dispassionate robotic voice.
“What is your species capable of?”
James looked up and saw the ornately dressed alien he had noticed on his way in, wait did it just speak English? James thought for a few moments as he realized what the alien asked him... “Time for the garbage” he thought to himself.
“Sorry maar ik versta je niet, geen idee wat je zegt.”
He had to suppress a smirk. Like many Dutch people, he was fluent in English, and everyone at the research base spoke English to communicate with each other since everyone came from all over the world, that’s probably why this alien tech translated to English... The question suggested they knew next to nothing about humans, so he just responded in Dutch hoping to confuse this alien researcher. When it walked away in what even James could recognize as frustration, he realized it worked and made a mental note to try this with every language he could.
Failure, time and time again... How difficult can it be to translate a single language!? Zyrrak thought to himself, this was the eight time he was going to the cell to try and communicate with this blasted creature. Sure, replacing his subordinates every time probably didn’t make things go much faster, but he couldn’t show any weakness in allowing such embarrassing mistakes. At this point his superiors were getting impatient, it had been hundreds of cycles and they had made no progress at all. He barely expected anything to go different this time as he approached the cell and asked his question again:
“What is your species capable of?”
The creature looked at him again, Zyrrak still had not fully gotten used to those eyes. Even worse, during its captivity the creature had seemingly begun exercising, its now noticeably bigger arms and chest were an intimidating sight. It spoke and to Zyrrak’s shock, the translator actually worked.
“The ephemeral juxtaposition of incongruous paradigms engendered a kaleidoscopic convolution of ostensibly obfuscatory elucidations, thereby rendering the hypothetical quagmire of interstellar dialectics both ostensibly impenetrable and paradoxically transparent.”
What? Zyrrak thought to himself... what does that even mean? The creature looked to Zyrrak as if it was expecting a response, like it had done so many times before. Another failure... By the gods, he was going to kill his subordinates this time.
He was out of languages, he couldn’t risk reusing one he had tried before, but felt he still had to actually speak real words, or something close to it at least. If he just made-up random noises they would probably notice, but he still had one more trick up his sleeve, one more delay just for the fun of it.
James heard the researcher approach, by now he could recognise its steps which were far lighter than those of the guards. He stopped his push ups, he had long since started working out in his cell to pass the time. The nutrient paste he was being fed was bland and tasteless, but at least it seemed to provide him with all the required nutrients. The researcher asked what James assumed to be the same question it asked several times before, he didn’t really know, since last time he responded in what little Japanese he knew, which the researcher’s words now sounded like.
“What is your species capable of?”
James got up and looked at the researcher, going over his words in his head one more time before speaking.
“The ephemeral juxtaposition of incongruous paradigms engendered a kaleidoscopic convolution of ostensibly obfuscatory elucidations, thereby rendering the hypothetical quagmire of interstellar dialectics both ostensibly impenetrable and paradoxically transparent.”
Sure, he was out of languages but with all those failed attempts, James guessed the alien would be far more likely to just assume it was another mistranslation, and he was right. The alien walked off, seemingly even more frustrated than last time. First Dutch, then French, then German, then Spanish, then Chinese, then Japanese. Sure, he barely knew a few words and/or phrases in Spanish, Chinese, and Japanese. But after the first few failed attempts, all he needed to do was speak those words and phrases with confidence to convince the alien it had failed again. And while he hardly spoke French or German, he knew enough to bullshit his way through a few sentences. By his own estimates, he had been here for months now, the fact that he was still alive and that these aliens were still trying probably meant that he was valuable to them. Next time the researcher came by for a chat, he should probably try to make use of that.
This was it, his last chance before being replaced himself. Zyrrak calmed his nerves as he approached the cell and asked his question yet again, not really expecting any success.
“What is your species capable of?”
James chuckled as he stood up and approached the laser barrier that kept him locked in his cell, leaning against it as he had long since figured out that it was basically just a wall.
“And why would I tell you?” he said.
Another failure, Zyrrak almost thought before stopping himself... it-it worked? Zyrrak froze, his multiple hearts skipping a beat. The translator had worked. He had finally broken through. But what was this response? The creature wasn’t confused, disoriented, or docile as most prisoners would be after so long. No, it was defiant. And worse still, it was negotiating.
Zyrrak composed himself, now came the real work.
"Why would you not?" Zyrrak responded, his voice controlled and measured, as he tried to turn the situation to his advantage. "Your survival depends on your cooperation. The Qrixol Empire does not often offer such... luxuries."
James raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. "Right, cooperation... that which you have not received from me and yet I still live. This suggests some sort of need or perhaps even desperation. You don’t just want to study me; you need to study me... I’m the only one of us you have managed to capture, aren’t I?”
Zyrrak flinched at the creature’s observation, but didn’t say anything. It didn’t matter, that little flinch told James that he was correct. Before Zyrrak could say anything, James spoke again, keeping the conversation in his control.
“I’m no fool, I know that if I’m too much of a hassle I probably won’t survive, but that doesn’t mean I will just do as you say... So let me tell you how this is going to work, you guys will treat me well, and in return I will occasionally give you little pieces of information... Mistreat me, and all you will get is lies and misinformation, understood?”
Zyrrak thought for a moment, he thought this creature was intelligent yet here it was, bargaining only for comfort when its entire race was at stake, did it even realise what was at stake? It didn’t matter, this was a good deal, even if it was a bit slow. Zyrrak just hoped a small amount of progress would be enough to satisfy his superiors.
“Very well, but if the information is insufficient, I’ll kill you myself” Zyrrak said, trying to regain some semblance of control over this creature. James chuckled and spoke.
“Oh, I know... my name is James, and we call ourselves Humans”
Zyrrak walked in and set down his datapad, trying to look as composed as he could. The human sat across from him, chained to the heavy table.
“So, your language proved tricky to translate, care to explain why?”
James didn’t respond, raising an eyebrow after a few seconds. “Oh, you talking to me? I didn’t hear my name, so I wasn’t sure” he said, aiming to catch the alien, who he now knew to be a researcher called Zyrrak, off guard. “Well, you guys have been reasonably pleasant, so I suppose I’ll indulge you... In short, your translations weren’t the issue, I was.” he chuckled softly.
“What do you mean?”
James leaned forward a bit, looking directly into Zyrrak’s four eyes. “We humans have quite a few languages, every time you tried, I simply responded in another language... except for that last time, that time I just spoke some nonsense” His chuckle turned into a quiet laugh. Zyrrak was furious with this insolence and struck his prisoner. James stopped laughing, pretending to be in pain. It didn’t hurt, but it would probably be in his interest to make these aliens think he was weaker than he actually was... Still, he couldn’t let that physical abuse go unpunished... Zyrrak had just earned himself some misinformation with that punch.
“It’s always useful to be fluent in so many languages, never thought it would come up like this though.” James said, Zyrrak suppressed a smile, regardless of the insolence, it had given them perfect samples of multiple human languages. Not to mention the fact that a multitude of languages is a very useful piece of information.
It was going slow, but the past few cycles he at least regularly had something to report, though it hadn’t been without complications. Zyrrak thought back to the guard that had gotten a bit too comfortable with speaking to the human. When the captain of the guard found out about it, it had promptly executed the guard with its sidearm and did so right in front of the human, the Elders were not happy about that part of his report. He walked into the interrogation chamber, the human chained to the heavy table like always.
“I just reviewed the footage of the battle again; I must say you human warriors are rather ferocious.” Zyrrak said as he sat down across from the human. He had found that treating these interrogations as conversations tended to be more effective. James didn’t mind the change; it was a lot better than just getting screamed at for however long this interrogation would take. James raised an eyebrow.
“Warriors, what do you mean?”
Zyrrak was slightly confused by the reaction “Precisely what I said, the way you and your allies fought off so many of our Honoured warriors was admittedly impressive.”
James sat back in his chair, a look of realization crossing his face. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to say this, but this was far too entertaining of an opportunity to let slip. "Warriors... You think we were warriors?"
Zyrrak tilted his head slightly, four eyes blinking in unison. "Your people fought with remarkable tenacity. The way you held your ground, even as our warriors advanced with superior firepower—yes, it is clear you were soldiers. Warriors."
James couldn’t help but chuckle. The laugh was soft at first, then grew louder until it echoed through the cold, sterile room. Zyrrak's confusion deepened.
"We weren’t warriors. We were researchers," James said between chuckles. "Scientists. Engineers. You didn't invade a military outpost, Zyrrak. You hit a research colony." James’ smile faded, replaced by a cold, steely gaze as he remembered his friends, either dead or dying all around him. "The people you fought were no warriors. Most of them had never even held a weapon before that day... Did you really think I am some trained killer? I’m an IT guy, I create and work with digital systems"
The weight of James’s words hung in the air. Zyrrak processed them in silence, his mind racing to reconcile the new information with what he had witnessed. If these humans were merely researchers, civilians... what did that say about their species as a whole? The Qrixol Empire had only managed to subdue a single human from the colony and even he knew that that was mostly luck. Zyrrak quickly stood up and walked out, he had a report to write.