Another day

It is just another day. One where I have to reevaluate the reasons why you are still on my mind. Why it's still lingers? Why I still miss somebody who doesn't exist but looks like you. Your face amd voice are familiar but who you are in real life is not who you were once. I held onto the once you. Believing he was somewhere in you that was dormant.

He doesn't exist and never did. I have to accept that and move on. I have moved on. Not to another person but with understanding that he isn't you.

I will not just settle for what this version of you has to offer. It is not enough. Maybe you do it to push me away, and if that is the case then you succeeded. It's not that I'm asking too much, because really it is not even bare minimum. If I felt it was just a phase or that you needed space, I would understand.

We have been on this road too long. While I show love I'm left with hardly enough to consider you even a fwb. I deserve more. You deserve more than me asking for time you are not willing to give. I wonder why you asked me back. Why you refused to let me go. When you had no intent on changing your ways and bringing us back to this point. It will not break me. That was your goal once. Thus will not make me loose a thing.

I don't love this person who stands before me telling me things that are selfish and not true. I walked away from you and also the other version of you.

There is somebody who will love me like I love. Unconditionally and not revel in my discomfort. Who wants to see me thrive in life as I do them.

But, I'm grateful for the time we shared. All of it. I learned many lessons and felt a love that was so deep I didn't know it could exist. It is part of me forever and nobody will ever replace you in my memories. I'll never love another the way I loved you. There was a time I loved you more than myself but that time has passed. I love myself enough to know that it wasn't right to continue our relationship.

I hope you heal. I hope you find somebody who loves you the way you need. I adore you and love you forever. It can't be fixed. You mean the world to me. I hope you never feel alone and know that you are loved. It's a difficult time but I'll always be your friend.

Good night.