My Crush Died

Hey everyone,

I'm really trying to understand my emotions right now. During my first year of college, I developed a crush on a guy I shared mutual friends with. He was extremely polite, charming, humble, caring, KIND, overall the most lovable person.

However, I had to ignore my emotions because I found out he had a girlfriend. I'm not one to ruin someone's relationship or build my joy off of someone else's pain. So no, he never knew that I had feelings for him.

I'd see him around campus though. In the library, at sport events, in the auditorium. We'd have conversations for a few minutes, one time for about an hour or two.

I've always admired him from afar but came to terms that we weren't meant to be. I got a call yesterday informing me that he passed away. I am completely heartbroken. I've been crying ever since.

I have no idea why I'm so hung up on it. We weren't even that close.

Why do I feel this way?