After College you have to be so intentional to actually have a good life/friends, and no one prepares you for it

Was just thinking about this today. When ur in school, u just randomly fall into things. Like even if ur major is hard and u work a campus job, u live with thousands of people ur age, there are random parties on campus, and you’ll randomly meet people in classes. Everyone is the same basic age, lives in the same basic area, goes to the same bars, and has similar struggles

Then suddenly ur thrown into working at least 40 hours every week with people of all ages who are all in their own world with their own problems (often in a new city). They’re typically not gonna initiate any crazy plans, unless u consider a monthly potluck a crazy plan. Everyone’s just too focused on their own stuff.

Really unless u do the work of joining social clubs (which, it’s not like a college fair—they’re usually not gonna tell u what to join and advertise to u personally), finding hobbies, and prob doing a lot of sort of awk stuff alone initially, u just don’t find people.

Maybe this is stupidly obvious to the older set, but it was not to me. Nothing can quite prepare u for how exhausting the “real world” is. After a long day of work u don’t want to go out of ur comfort zone and socialize with people who may not even want to socialize with u. Much easier to stay inside, scroll on ur phone a few hours and watch Netflix. Lonely? Play video games with some random dudes online. Horny? Put on porn and take some zero stakes shots on dating apps that will go nowhere. And after a few wasted hours, it’s already time to be thinking about dinner.

I now have some groups I like to do stuff around town with, but I was really struck by how difficult it was to meet them. No one talks at gyms, it’s totally taboo to approach strangers in public, workplaces are less close in today’s HR climate, and I felt legit weird going to bars alone initially. It was like everybody was already supposed to have their group so they could be apart in their circle and not meet much of anyone. I also find meeting other guys especially hard. Like a lot of activities where there actually are people (dance classes, book clubs, exercise classes) are so female dominated it’s crazy.

So I think this is a perfect storm of 1. When you become an adult ur suddenly always exhausted and have a million responsibilities that take u away from friends, 2. Being alone is more stimulating and comfortable than ever, and 3. Trying to break into social groups is seemingly more awkward and uncomfortable than ever. This means that u have to be so intentional about putting urself out there, and u can’t just wait for the right moment or right person to come when u least expect it or whatever. U have to take control of ur life.