Does anyone else hate their ex for leaving?

Not just leaving, but leaving like you never even mattered? Like you were nothing but a passing phase, a temporary distraction, something to be discarded without a second thought? Because that’s exactly how I feel.

I’m stuck in this endless loop of heartbreak and pain, replaying everything in my mind, trying to understand how someone who once swore they loved me could just disappear. No apology. No closure. Not even a single moment of checking in to see if I’m okay. Just silence. Just coldness. And it’s killing me because if you care about someone, you don’t just do that. You don’t just erase them like they never existed. But he did. And now I’m stuck wondering if any of it was ever real or if I was just fooling myself the entire time. Maybe I was the only one who actually felt anything. Maybe I was hallucinating the whole damn relationship.

And the worst part? He moved on like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. He’s in a whole new relationship while I’m here, drowning in grief, missing him so, hating him but still longing for him at the same time. I want to let go. I need to let go. But how do you erase someone that easily?

I wish the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind procedure was real. I wish I could wipe him from my memory, forget everything—every laugh, every touch, every whispered “I love you” that clearly meant nothing. But it’s not real. And I hate that the only thing that seems to make sense right now is finding someone new just to fill the void he left. I don’t want to use anyone, but I also don’t want to keep feeling like this. Maybe if I act like him—cold, detached, moving on without looking back—I’ll finally stop hurting. Maybe if I pretend he never existed, I’ll stop missing him.

Because tbh I think he hates me. Hates me for loving him too much, for trying too hard, for wanting us to work. For crying. For begging. For believing we had something real when I was too blind to see that, to him, I was just another girl. And yeah, part of me prays for karma to find him. I want him to know what it feels like to be left broken, to be discarded like he discarded me. But life doesn’t seem to work like that. People like him always seem to move on unbothered, untouched, while people like me are left to suffer, to pick up the shattered pieces alone.

I hate this. I hate him. And I hate that no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, there’s still a part of me that would take him back in a heartbeat.

EDIT: I wouldn’t say I truly hate him. I think I hate the way he treated me and hate myself for allowing it. If you’ve seen my other post in a different community, you might understand a bit more.