I wish I had a family.

I feel so alone. It's just my husband and me—no one else. Even his family doesn't talk to him much anymore, and we haven't seen them in almost two years. We're each other's whole world, and I know how lucky I am to have him. He always says he prefers it this way, just us at home, doing everything together. We have two sweet bunnies that keep us company too.

But in my heart, I feel incomplete. I grew up in a big family. There was a lot of abuse, neglect, and SA in my home, but there were still moments where we felt like a family—holidays, dinners, small traditions. I think I miss the idea of family more than the reality of what I actually had. It makes no sense to grieve something that hurt me so much, but I do. Also, I'm childfree by choice, and I'm happy with that. I don't want to create a new family of my own. I just wish I could have the kind of family I always longed for. One that sees me, believes me, and loves me the way I deserve. I had none of that growing up.

I slowly stopped talking to my brothers over the last month. They chose to stand by my mom and went as far as blaming me for her depression since I cut her off, even after everything she allowed to happen to me. I hate how much it hurts. I moved to another country for a better life, plus I wanted to be with my husband (we met online), but I haven't made any friends yet either. My social anxiety and trust issues makes it hard to stay in touch with people.

Ironically, this is the most peaceful my life has ever been... but I don't feel any peace with my past. I feel betrayed and robbed of my childhood.

I don't know if I should keep holding onto this grief or just let myself move forward and enjoy the life I have now. I'm trying... I really am. But the loneliness still lingers. Does anyone have advice for me? I am in trauma therapy, but I don't see her as often as I would like.