I do not know anymore

I am not at the point of wanting to hurt myself. So please understand that.

I just want to say I don't know anymore. I can see the matrix grid for what it is. I can see the NPCs that come into my life to disrupt my flow. I feel that I am hitting a wall. Every day, when I awake, I question why I was woken up. Again, not wanting to die, not wanting to hurt myself, it's just that I know I don't belong here.

Did we choose to come here? Was it chosen for us? WHY?

I have zero interest in anything this world offers. I've gotten to the point that nothing entertains me. The things I used to love ... material items ... fast cars ... it's all CRAP. It's all nonsense designed to keep us here, working our asses off, and focused on the matrix.

We are in this disgusting cycle of working our butts off everyday and not given any time off just so we can pay for the things we need to then work our butts off every day.

IT MAKES NO SENSE.

The only escape I can see is a multi-acre farm somewhere. But that requires - .... money. And there's no way to earn a large sum of money to make that purchase. You could work until youre 70, saving $500 each month, and perhaps you'd afford it. Otherwise, you're still stuck in the same loop and same system.

I want OUT of this control system. I did NOT agree to go through this. Some say "your higher self told you to come here." I don't feel that's the case. I feel I entered into this world on extreme challenge mode. Ever since childhood my life has been hell. In fact, it's been so hellish, that I've often questioned if I was just simply born into hell and that perhaps earth is not even a planet, but hell, or purgatory, itself.

Sorry. Needed to vent. And I don't know if any other subreddit would understand this feeling.

We MUST find a solution. Maybe that's it? Maybe that's why we are here? Maybe we were put here to find the way out? Like a giant escape room or a giant puzzle. What is the escape? Some say it's through Christ (the narrow gate). I've done that. I've followed Christ. And I've found nothing but pain and hardship (as He says, you will be hated for my names sake - yeah...faced that so many times).

How do we get OUT of this bullshit, guys?

Anyway. Whatever you believe. Please pray for me. Or meditate. Or have a spiritual moment for me. Whatever it is. Thank you.