I just wanna cryy

It sounds weird but i dont even want HRT i just wanna be a man. I feel so bad right now. Everything just makes me cry. I hate when people talk to me. I just wanna snap my fingers and be a man. Thats the only thing i want. I dont want hormones. I want to snap my fingers. I know I'm not going to transition, ever. If i could snap my fingers (back and forth) then i would. I hate the whole hrt and surgeries thing. I dont want that. Ive never actually wanted that. Even when i was younger, i watched trans related vids and thought "i dont want to have t shots" and "i dont want surgeries" and "i wanna look like a boy". So even years ago i wanted it but i only wanted it to happen magically. I dont know why but i dont want the transition thing. Does anyone else feel this way? Im probably the only one. I dont want real hrt. I want to snap back and forth magically. But the only thing i can have is this shit that i have right now and i wanna endddddd it cause I need to have a male body. Fuck everything. Fuck everything fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

I know I'm still a man but I can't stop thinking about my dysphoria.

Literally fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck everything i want to sleep