Some driving advise: Tips to stick to 😁

For those of you who somehow have a license, whether that’s through wasta, bribery, corruption of some sort, pure luck, it came to you through just clicking your fingers and through thin air, you opened your eyes one day and found your own face staring down at you from your pillow and you noticed that it was your image from a driving license staring at you, or however you managed to get one …. Please follow these tips for SAFE driving.

I have had my license for a whole month, and am a new driver PLUS I am British and I am a woman, so I am more than qualified 😎

Tip #1: According to legend, the hazzard lights and honking are supposed to be for life threatening purposes ONLY. Since we do not live a life of legends, certainly not here in Dubai, please only use honk / beep when it’s actually required and not because you need to go have a pee, want to get your karak, need to have a wank like right-now, because you are hungry, because you are bored or generally because you wanna piss people off. DO NOT DO IT! Give your hands a break.

Tip #2: Unless you can see the FULL headlights of the car behind you, in the centre mirror, you are too close to the car behind you. Please re-read that again. If you cannot see the headlights of the car behind you from the centre mirror, you are too close to the car behind you. in situations like these speed up, only enough to be able to see the headlights of the car behind you, in the centre mirror. Re-read and train your brain.

TIP #3: Leave one car length (yes, one car length! I’m British, remember!!!!!!!) of space between you and the car in front of you.

Tip #4: When stopping at traffic lights, ensure that you can see the FULL back wheels of the car in front of you and 3 inches of road. Re-read that and let it sink in.

Tip #5: DO NOT USE MOBILE PHONES WHILST DRIVING!!! I don’t care if someone has died, or your cat fell out of your apartment window… if you get a text message, wait 3-5 mins, find a safe place to pull up and THEN read your text message. You’ll be in a better position and state of mind to either scream, cry, laugh, call the animal ambulance or whatever you need to do in response. DO NOT PUT OTHER DRIVERS LIVES AT RISK. Even happiness can make you speed and kill someone.

If we all follow the RULES of the road, PLUS ALL OF THE ABOVE tips, you will be a safe driver 😁

Please pass these onto your village people friends who either do not have internet access, do not have eyes (let them grow some, or simply persuade them to give up their driving license ) or those who you know you seem to have no brains and drive recklessly. Also those, God forbid, who do not use Reddit 😱😱😱😱

And just like how our friend Jane, the default sound woman on Waze says: Drive safely, people. Have a good journey 🚗 🛣️