The War Of The Malfoys: A Rage-Filled Marriage Law Fic 💍Hermione’s flailing, Draco’s losing patience, & Ginny gives advice 😏 WIP, 19/40
A darkly comedic, atmospheric marriage law fic, with forced consummation and reproduction, lightly inspired by the 1989 film The War of the Roses and the covid pandemic.
Equal parts bleak horror, exploration of the loss of bodily autonomy, utter absurdities, biting banter, destructive Hermione, and Draco’s utterly perverted inner fantasies. Also featuring platonic Dron, sweet Goyle, a scheming Crookshanks, and an isolated lighthouse on a tiny Scottish island.
Pre-written up to chapter 27, or 188k. Posted fortnightly, on Mondays. Next update tomorrow!
Read if you want —
Subverted tropes
Draco and Ron being Auror partners and good (bants and bickering) mates
A sweetheart Goyle, a chaotic Nott who pretends he’s French, and a reserved, unruffled Zabini
Baking & dessert-making as a form of self-defence
A Hermione who is truly furious beyond all reason
A strong female friendship group (Ginny, Padma, & Luna, with additional Parvati & Lavender.)
Absurdist humour balanced with an inane horror
Navigating the real and varied potential outcomes of a marriage & reproductive law
The atmosphere of a bleak lighthouse setting
Sneak peek of 20. Of Pins, Pricks, & Lists
“Morgana’s tits, you are going to drive me insane,” he said as he stared across the table at her – all firewhisky eyes, freckles, and frustration. “You are going to kill me, and then you’ll be a damned widow, and you’ll get matched with someone else. Is that what you’d like?”
“Well, I wouldn’t wish you dead,” she said, and her eyes flickered with a hint of fire. “Maybe a tragic castration accident at work.” She gave him a smug look as he winced.
“You might be right,” he said pettily, “being friendly co-parents sounds great.” She eyed him. “You know, one way to put a pin in things without being cruel to you, Hermione, would be if I take advantage of the fact that there’s no fidelity charm binding me.”
He smiled at her as her mouth dropped open.
“After all, if you don’t want anything to do with me, and you find it so difficult to keep your hands off me, perhaps a mistress might—”
“Oh, fuck you,” she snarled, and Draco smiled thinly.
“That would be the idea, yes.”